Alone, Is a lie.
I've been in a new environment for almost two years, and I have to admit loneliness has been one of the biggest hurdles I have had to overcome. At the same time, I was excited about moving and the new experiences this journey would create. I didn't recognize just how comfortable I had become in the space I was in, and it was hard to be the new kid on the block.
Everyone seems to know where to go and how to connect. But here I was, feeling as though I was putting an impossible puzzle together, trying to fit the pieces together, but nothing seemed to work. I found myself waiting for a friendly face to greet me with a hello, recognize that I was new, invite me into the circles of friendship, and start sharing all the seemingly secret codes of the community. However, that's just not how things work sometimes.
So, I started to figure things out by myself, not anticipating it would take so long to feel like I belonged here. While I welcomed change and truly yearned for it at the time, I still questioned if this was the right place for me, and wanted to retreat. I wanted to go back to what was comfortable.
Can you relate to a time where change was hard and you thought about, giving up, turning around and just going back to where you started?
I desired to return to a space of familiarity, where I already knew the secrets and saw familiar faces at the local coffee shop. Where I knew the hangouts and the popular places for the "mom hangs." I desired to return to a space where I felt my presence was known and welcomed. Not only that, but if I was not there-- people noticed. I wanted to return to where my family was close, and my safety net surrounded me. And while I may have moments of loneliness within that space, I knew all the routes to find my way out quickly.
However, I have come to realize that loneliness is a compelling emotion that can lead to intense negative emotional spirals, yet it is one of the greatest liars. I had to acknowledge that while I was new to this environment, my community and friends that I had previously (although not with me physically) were still a support system I could rely on.
I also had to take back the driver's seat of my experiences by asking myself:
What things can I do right now to make me feel supported?
What small steps could I take to slowly start to learn this new space and feel a connection to it?
That has changed the game for me. I began to challenge the belief that I was alone and prove that alone was a lie. When I felt lonely, I would lean deeper into my close circle of friends, remembering my own words in "The Rib"...
"Today, I resolve to be cognizant of loving friendships that surround me and realize I am never alone."
I had to choose to commit to the vulnerability it requires to meet new people and intentionally put myself in positions to meet people.
When I did those things, I allowed myself to embrace this shift and welcome the lessons I intended to learn during this time of isolation—recognizing that maybe isolation was the gift I needed to dive deeper into myself. It allowed me to do more self-exploration and understand how to continue to create intentional circles that help avert these feelings of loneliness for others. Many of us acknowledge that some of the most powerful awakenings happen in our moments of isolation and stillness.
Maybe you feel the same way. You are in a new environment, everything is unfamiliar, and you feel incredibly isolated. Perhaps you've decided to pursue a new path that your circle does not understand or agree with, which has created a shift in your relationships. Now, you are left to navigate new territory and build new friendships. Or possibly, you are experiencing emotional isolation. Your environment and circle are the same; however, you are going through a personal shift and have entered a new phase in life that no one around you can quite understand, leaving you feeling alone. Whatever this time of loneliness may look like for you, I want to encourage you to look again. Remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Take a moment to reflect on your inner circle. Have you been leaning into them enough? Have you allowed yourself to share enough and express how you need them to show up for you during this time? If you are in a new space and don't have the opportunity to lean into your inner circle, I encourage you to embrace vulnerability.
How can you start to feel connected without waiting for others to start that process?
Lastly, and most importantly, I want to remind you that Soulfully Spoken is here for you; this is a community you can lean into. One of my why's is to build a community that will show up consistently for you.
"Creating spaces where we all feel safe and comfortable expressing our emotions and unpacking our challenges with one another; ensuring that we move beyond surface-level relationships allowing ourselves to go deeper in conversation. While agreeing to be encouraging voices for one another." -The Rib
I am grateful that this community has also done the same for me in my times of loneliness and has continually gifted me with women that are relatable, encouraging, and admirable. Every one of you has reminded me that I am not alone and meant to be here.
That said, I look forward to every opportunity to connect. Last week, we completed our first EmpowHERed Soul Book Virtual Book club. Join us as we read our next book, "You Are Already Awesome" by Alison Faulkner. We will plan to meet on November 2nd.
Buy your book & Register now for this FREE EmpowHERed Soul Conversation.
The good news is you don't have to wait until November for our next opportunity to connect. This October, I am releasing a new workshop entitled Reap & Release.
I hope you will join us as we dive deeper into self-reflection. As we enter the fall harvest, it's the perfect time to evaluate our preparation for this season and ask ourselves what seeds we have sown. Are we adequately prepared for the harvest? Are we releasing what does not serve us & creating room for expansion? If you want to be sure you are equipping your mind, body, and soul to reap an abundant harvest, JOIN US,
Thursday, October 13th & 20th
@ 8 pm EST.
Use code: REAP15 to receive 15% off tickets (expires October 8th).
Life has a funny way of bringing everything full circle. My son came home the other day singing, "the more we get together, together, together, the more we get together, the happier we'll be." I was reminded of this popular nursery rhyme we would often sing in transitions during school days, and at the time, I didn't pay much attention to the meaning. However, now it resonates more than ever. It is, in fact, true that the more we get together, the happier we will be.
I look forward to seeing you all in October and, until then, find ways to connect, and give your connections time to bloom. Allow your inner circle and this Soulfully Spoken community to remind you that you are loved and appreciated.
With love,
Vanessa